sincerely alternatives

when it seems too mountainous and rugged

I have seen so many people back down from opportunities.

and I always wondered why

no, I wasn’t always a super smart super brave person. In fact, there’s a lot of things I hold back from. Things that I evaluate to have more risks compared to the typical perspective that the ends justify the means.

It’s beyond the fact that doing things will get you a better college resume. A better life in the future. Because that’s simply not true. Nothing is guaranteed, and I’m sure you already know that. But it started in middle school.

I was part of a volunteering club as a seventh grader, and it was really fun and interesting to me. I would always volunteer at different places with my friends and such. But when the teacher said to “put our names up on the board if we wanted to be the seventh grade representative for the club”, I saw so many people rush up to the board to write their names down. I saw at least 20 people up there.

But damn, it’s already over. The game ended before I could start playing. But I was an optimist nonetheless. And it’s oh so great to believe in the smallest, tiniest, sweetest bits of moonlight. The kind that filters through the windows during quiet nights.

So I put my name up there. And I got it.

You tell me modesty is a virtue but I think it’s okay to tell yourself that you’re the greatest, when you’re on top of the world. And so that day passed by with my mind happily hovering around the thought of my new title.

But I realized so suddenly. This is how it should be. Whether I win or not, I should always at least play.

I realized though that some others haven’t realized this truth. A friend of mine said they were afraid to apply for a certain position in their volunteering job.

Why? I wondered. I thought of every single possibility for their fear until it infuriated me too. I couldn’t bear to see someone I knew to be brilliant and capable to stop achieving due to a fear. Fear? Fear is something that drives you. It shouldn’t be something to hold you back. We will fall, I know. She could’ve fallen down. Hard. Onto her back and to find herself being pitiful and pathetic for days after failing. But she didn’t even play the game. Isn’t it stupid to lose after not even playing?

So I took a hold of her. No. This is unacceptable. I can’t see you bring yourself to nothing. The fact that you believe your personal vision of your inferiority is something that will drive you down the drain. It’s like ripping apart a love letter before reading it. It’s so regretful.

You could’ve known their tender heart and perfect vision of you. But you fail to recognize it. You fail to be a good person to yourself. You don’t do yourself any favors. And only to mumble and groan that no one loves you?

It’s true. No one can love you intimately and holistically until you love yourself. You being at comfort with your own company is the hardest thing in the world. How could you expect someone else to fill you up inside when you can’t even do it for yourself?

So I told her to believe. The way you back down is an act of cowardice. But I know how brave you are. I’ve seen you in so many different angles and worlds and universes. It’s so hard for you to not be brilliant, I know that. So please try at least. And show them what you’re made of.

And she got both positions she applied for.

So you see, I realized how people achieve success.

The people who dream

The people who wish

The people who don’t do a single thing.

You can’t get anywhere, if you’re that kind of person.

You have to be the person who can’t hold themselves back from an opportunity. You have to be the person that carefully, not recklessly, throws themselves into the world. Every aching bit of it. To try and fix it. That’s the only way you can survive.

Protecting your peace is protecting your sanity. Not being scared.

So that is my life’s moral: Try and fail. Don’t hide and fail.